Missing

Some days with ADHD I feel like something is missing. The impending doom feeling that something was forgotten. The anxiety that unfurls in your stomach. Then the fatigue that makes you just crave a goddamn nap but the moment you lay down you remember everything you have ever done or needed to do. There are days when I am almost untouchable. I've gotten things completed, they are almost aligned. Then one thing happens and it all spirals into madness. I think talking about it helps but then I don't know because I am a prideful person and I don't like admitting that I am dependent on anything. Today I am tired, but I have had plenty of sleep so I think my meds have worn out but I'm now to a point where it's too late to take it again and get any sleep. I'm working out the balance of all of it but sometimes I wish it would click and work easier. I will get there, it just takes time.

Thescoop

Lately life has been throwing it all at me, so I have been doing everything step by step but I am trying to post at least once a month. I got a new job and it's the most amazing place so far. I miss my providers dearly from my old workplace but right now I feel like this is right for me. Everyone is ridiculously nice and the atmosphere is the most positive I've ever been around. My sister is about to have a baby boy so we are waiting for that to happen and if he is overdue then she will be induced on the 31st! A lot of excitement! When it comes to food, time constraints have made it hard to branch out much but I did make this crazy delicious snickers poke cake. Caramel filled chocolate cake with whipped icing,chocolate syrup drizzle, and snickers candy bars to top it off. People loved it! So much is happening this month. Joey and I will be together for 7 years on the 28th, 2 of those being married. We haven't decided where to go yet so maybe that will come up.

Homework assignment since I don't have a food review. GO TRY A LUNCHBOX AT EDNA'S. If you've has one before then try a new variation of it. It's a simple drink but it is terrifying in the sense that it's so good you don't know you've had 8....or 12....

As always support local when you can. :)

Hack

Personal life/vacation hack. If souvenir magnets are too pricey buy postcards or prints and cut them to fit on magnet sheets from the craft store! Museum sells for $7 per magnet, while postcards are $1. Magnet sheets cost $3 for multi pack. I love it!

Rut

Lately I am super stuck in a rut. Like a life rut. I'm 23 and kinda know what I wanna do but I have to take everything a step at a time which is frustrating because I'm impatient. I know that my potential is being taken advantage of where I am but I don't know what I want my next step to be. Do I stay in Healthcare where I am frustrated by people who don't care for their employees that actually put forth the effort. Do I go to culinary? Do I stay stagnant?  Why in school was there no actual career day? No one ever explains what a geologist does or the different fields or requirements. You just pick a direction and hope for the best. I'm trying not to be bitter or burnt out because that's not who I am, I guess I just needed to vent a bit.

Rib's Earl Palace

I love barbecue. I mean who doesn't?  Oh wait, yeah my husband. He doesn't like barbecue. I know. He hates the sauce. Yeah I know. This is my life. That's a story for another time. A majority of my thoughts today kept leading me back to okra. I got my braces tightened today so I decided to play the victim and guilt him into a barbecue joint. It wasn't as hard as it sounds. Tender meat for a tender jaw, it just seems right. Plus okra! Arriving at the Earl's on Reno, we were greeted immediately by our soon to be waiter JD. We were seated and then after him waiting patiently for us to decide we ordered. Hubs got the smoked turkey sandwhich and was very pleased. ERM, Come again? This speaks volumes of Earl's skills because we are talking just meat and bread, no sauce, cheese or anything. He chose their signature curly fries as his side and he ate every damn thing on that plate. I ordered the pulled pork sandwich and of course my side was crispy battered okra. The meat was far from dry and so tender I could handle it with my sensitive jaw. This being my first time at Earl's I had to try both their hot bbq sauce and their original. I am not one of those people who have a good idea of what is spicy and what isn't, but I feel that Earl's spicy sauce is enough to give you the kick you crave but nothing that will annihilate your senses. The batter on the okra was a little heavy but that doesn't mean that it isn't everything that I needed in my life. It was fried perfectly. Not too soft so it's just oily and not too hard to where it's an edible rock with the taste of okras past. Ranch became my temporary best friend as I could drown the okra in it and take away some of the pain from my braces. For the love of okra I was making it happen. I could not complain about one thing. The food was phenomenal. The service was rad. JD was not only patient in dealing with our indecisiveness but made sure that I never knew what the bottom of my cup looked like. Then he did the unthinkable. He ate our dessert. Can you believe that? Who does something like that? NO. Totes just kidding. That would be hilarious. Depressing and enraging but hilarious. Anyway we ordered the blackberry cobbler which homes told me is like everything else there, made from scratch. It was 1 of 2 options  (the other being peach) but let's be real if blackberry or bacon are on the menu it's going in my mouth. Then JD got crazy and was like, "Do you want ice cream?" My brain pop up is like uh fuck yes we want ice cream, then I recover and channel my normal human self and say heck yes we would love ice cream. At this point I'm 88% sure that JD lost his GD mind because he asks, "How much ice cream do you want?" Brain pop up is like only enough to bathe in.  Then my brain panics because it's overwhelmed by the ice cream situation and JD can tell and he said you can get 1-3 scoops. Calm Cool and Collected I say, "oh, 3. Yeah 3 scoops would be great." Like that was even a real consideration. Back to realness here JD I don't fuck around with sweets. Load me up with as much a la mode magic that Earl's will allow. Was that real, what person who lives in misery chooses 1 scoop over 3? Don't put me around them. I don't need that negativity in my life. I'm assuming that this is going to be one of those mini bowls with the handle that you get from the buffet. You know the ones. They are usually in some earth tone or that signature chocolate brown from the 70's. The ones that make you look like you're 73 when you hold them no matter how old you are. The ones that force that awkward moment of getting to the table to devour your food (while not looking like a savage at the buffet) but yet slow pacing so you don't spill and burn the fuck out of yourself because you were the child that couldn't handle carrying your soup to the table. However JD comes baring this beautiful blackberry baby with 3 GIGANTICNORMOUS scoops of Vanilla Bean ice cream. *Cue eye watering and sensory overload* Y'all I don't know shit about pre workout. My gym friends talk about it all the time crazy with the scoops. I WENT CRAZY WITH THE SCOOPS. Pw scoops don't have shit on Earl's vb scoops. There is this harmony of the blackberries hugging out any differences they had in the past (all families have their arguments) to make a sweet and tart combo that could make the toughest man cry from happiness. The crust pieces in the cobbler were buttery but not so much so that it overpowered the acidity from the berries or the creaminess of the ice cream. It wasnt burnt and it still held up to the liquid in the cobbler and didn't mush under pressure. *raises glass to delicious but durable cobblers everywhere* The ice cream was just melting over the cobbler to make a beautiful off white granite pattern with the specks from the vanilla bean and the deep purple lines/marks from the fruit. My only regret is not being able to finish it and I even shared with Joey. Lucky him, Amirite? Y'all. Don't wait to try Earl's for as long as I did. An if you have had it then it's time for you to go back, I don't care if you just went yesterday go back. I know barbecue can be pricey but it's for the effort, quality, and love they pour into the food. Sometimes they even rub it into the food. See what I did there? You're welcome. We went to the location on Reno in south Oklahoma City but they have quite a few locations around the state. This has certainly been a first trip of many. Locate your Earl's. Order all the things. Especially order the blackberry cobbler. GET THREE SCOOPS. Find inner peace and quite possibly your soul. Repeat as soon as possible.

Think I might recommend that last part be a shirt.

P. B. Jams

The hubs and I attempt to try all the new places we can but obviously money doesn't grow on trees. At least our families didn't have one of those trees out back when we were growing up. Point being, we don't get to go try a new place every night and we check out things like Groupon anytime we can to see if any deals appeal to us. Scrolling through the list as my husband plays a video game I see the deal for the place my husband wanted to try is still on there. P. B. Jams is a rad little sandwich place that is being run by a woman whose heart is bigger than Paula Deen's obsession with butter. If you don't believe me just do a little research. A picture that was posted in the front window of her place quickly went viral but not because she is some crazy political business owner making a stand, it's because she saw someone hungry rummaging through trash looking for a meal and she couldn't bare to see it. Below you can see the picture that helps  restore a bit of your faith in humanity. However my husband and I just saw the picture on the ad of an ooey, gooey pb&j and completely forgotten about that act of awesomeness. So buying the deal we headed out for lunch. Upon arrival, it's a small, clean area. There is a cute general store motif and route 66 themed items on the wall. Which is fitting since you are off 39th st, anyone tell me what other name that street goes by? You're greeted by a very friendly woman with brilliantly styled hair who helps you navigate through the menu, all while explaining the things that aren't your normal pb&j. I assume this woman is the owner but I'm so chronically awkward conversation is either word salad all over the place or barely piecing a sentence together. You can guess which side I was on at this point. So after browsing the menu we decide on all the things. We order the "Donut touch my nuts" the "Mac Daddy" and the "Fluffy Nuts". All the sandwiches come with veggies and ranch as a side. Let me tell you I can't wait to get back there when my braces are off so I can confidently bite into carrots and celery. That hindrance plus my husband not liking veggies made me think we could both get a sammie and split one and be set. I DO NOT recommend someone following this same pattern. We were full for hours. The fluffy nuts is a righteous sandwich, that is marshmallow fluff, nutella, and bananas. We altered a tad, removing the naners because hubs doesn't believe in them and we added bacon because adding bacon was an option and only felt right. We did it on wheat bread and it was grilled so it was a blissful mix of gooey brilliance. Donut touch my nuts is the cardiac arrest that you didn't know you needed. 2 yeah 2 beautiful bouncy Krispy Kreme donuts get warmed slightly then made into the sandwich that tastebros dream of. She stuffs this thing with bacon, peanut butter, and jame of your choice. We went for strawberry. Seeing your in laws later? Go eat this sandwich and forget to wash your hands. Make sure when you hug them that you hold on to them extra close. You'll make a mess of their clothes and you'll be so busy with the food baby you won't even hear what they're bitching about. At this point do you get that we are bacon people? The. Mac. Daddy. At first I was like erm, slightly scary name for a sandwich but I can dig it. If nothing else convinced me to come back it was this sandwich. The moment it arrives your spidey sandwich senses go out of control. This is a grilled garlic butter roll, and your like shit sounds good I will eat it now but wait, then it is stuffed with Mac and Cheese AND Bacon!!! It's delicious and creamy and crunchy from the roll and the bacon, then salty and savory from the garlic. Your mouth has no idea what to do except signal for your eyes to water because there is no other way to cope with this. All around experience, I was pretty satisfied. There are a couple things I could be a diva about and I will list them in the next couple sentences but overall this is a good place to go with good people in it.  Cons: The hours are rough. The peanuts on the table that are there for guests to crack at will, weren't crunchy. Gonna say this is due to the biblical flood reenactment that oklahoma keeps trying to do. The prices are a bit higher than what you would expect. Some things that could be made from scratch are from the box or a bottle, the ranch, pickles, and the cheesecake. I adore that this place is different. There are so many places that are popping up and are the same shit with a different theme. This is a nice change. If you're in the area and have the chance to stop in to P.B. Jams, do it. I highly doubt you will regret it.

Carry Over. Pt 3

I became so excited about having a blog and actually starting that I didn't think it through. So these are the posts that I carried over from my first attempt. They aren't phenomenal but I still didn't want to lose them. Part Three. El Fin. Picture is what I carried over, the sentences below it are fresh.

                                  

So my ADHD is a newer diagnosis, just official as of last year. My shrink suspects that it onset when I was going through puberty. What timing, huh? I am learning more and more about ADHD and how I have just adapted with it my whole life, and I am learning how I have actually struggled. Learning the things that come with ADHD, like Anxiety and Depression, along with mood swings, irritability, sense of incompetence, and self loathing actually make me feel like I am not crazy. (for lack of better words) It has helped me realize a lot of things about myself and how I need to work on things differently. It has forced me to admit that I have struggled more than I would ever like to confess. However, I am working on me, I have a great doctor who listens to me vs. a doctor who just medicates and medicates. So I am just seeing wherever it takes me and trying to be as positive as I can with all of the things. Here's to loving myself more than I doubt myself.